


Prince’s Consort

by silver_drip



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Abduction, Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage, M/M, Post-Thor (2011), Pre-Avengers (2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:52:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9480080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: Tony is abducted by Asgard and is forced to marry Thor. His brother is far more interesting though.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TenSpencerRiedPlease](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/gifts), [poetically_ordinary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetically_ordinary/gifts).



> You two are always churning out new stuff. Thank you for that.
> 
> poetically_ordinary, Idk if you like frostiron. If ya don't, feel free not to read it. It's the thought that counts, after all ;)

“Just because we’re married doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you,” Tony said on their wedding night. Thor’s mouth fell open inelegantly. “This is a political marriage and it’s not like we could produce a little prince or princess.”

Thor opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, his blue eyes wide.

Tony held back a smirk. Normally he’d be all for fucking someone like Thor, someone genuine and gorgeous, but the way circumstances were, he was going to make things as difficult as possible.

“It is expected,” Thor choked out.

“Yeah, no. Where I come from what is ‘expected’ doesn’t mean shit. If I say no, which I am saying, that means no. That means what is ‘expected’ would amount to you raping me, which neither of us wants.” All the color drained away from Thor’s face, dread clear in his expression. He scrambled backwards, falling off the bed.

Tony rolled his eyes, watching Thor fumble on the ground.

“The bed is mine. Go sleep on the couch.”

*****

The first time Tony had been kidnapped he was two and didn’t remember it. The second time he’d been sixteen and too drunk to care. Number three got him a hole in the chest and a good hero backstory.

Number four was the kicker though.

Aliens, royal aliens at that.

They forced him to marry Thor, even though there were legitimate royalty on Earth.

Apparently being independently wealthy and a ‘warrior’ made him ‘worthy’ of Prince Thor.

At least they had left a room full of wealth in their wake at his tower, not that he needed it.

*****

Tony was playing it fast and loose. The morning after the wedding was a feast. He’d normally still be sleeping, but he’d been in Asgard for less than a day and he wanted to see what being the Prince’s Consort got him.

Entering the oversized feasting hall without Thor was clearly a faux pas, but fuck them. He could be in his lab right now if they hadn’t gone all cliché Viking on him.

He took a seat next to Thor’s smoking hot mom.

“You look well, Consort.” Queen Frigga’s voice was filled with warmth. It was the first time they were able to speak, despite her being the one who officiated the wedding. That was probably due to the fact that they had placed some silencing spell on him though.

Tony held back a biting comment.

“Was this how you were married off?” Tony asked instead. His meaning was clear enough.

“No, I was promised to the heir of Asgard when I was born.”

Tony let out a hum, trying to read her.

“Why was I the one chosen to be spirited away? Blondie can’t pick up someone from his own planet? Had to go get a bunch of jocks to kidnap me?”

“You’re smart and handsome, Consort Stark.”

“I’m seeing a lot of good looking people in this part of the universe. I assume at least a few of them have brains. The only big difference is that I’m mortal.” Her expression didn’t change and realization dawned on him. “I’m his training wheels.” Tony did his best not slump in his seat.

Thor walked in, looking flustered. The space Vikings let out bawdy shouts. He sat beside his father, glancing Tony’s way.

Tony pretended to smile.

Like hell he was going to be anyone’s training wheels.

*****

Tony sat in the royal gardens, sipping on mead, and waiting for the chaos to unfold.

He’d been able to start fires since he was three and confined to his baby room.

He felt a bit of glee as he heard the first shouts proclaiming there was a fire. Smoke started coming from a different part of the palace.

Tony cackled when guards started rushing to a third part of the castle.

*****

Tony was staring at his burned out bed with narrowed eyes. He had not set any of the firestarters close to his and Thor’s ‘royal chambers’.

A new bed was already being brought in.

Thor was frowning deeply. It wasn’t directed at Tony though. He looked slightly perplexed, as if fires in Asgard were completely unheard of.

Which could be the case, as far as Tony knew.

*****

“Couch,” Tony said sternly when night came.

Thor grumbled, but didn’t protest.

*****

Tony may have been taking his time with the whole getting back home thing. It hadn’t even been a full three days since he was whisked away. Asgard was just full of technology he wanted to get his hands on.

He also didn’t have to do anything as Prince’s Consort.

The only downside was Pepper and SHIELD were probably freaking out.

That wasn’t outside the normal though.

Tony was considering this a very exotic vacation.

*****

“Perhaps I could read you some poetry?” Thor offered and Tony did his best not to sputter in his drink. The poor kid, because that’s all Tony could really consider him being, was trying so hard. He knew Thor had a few hundred years on him, but there was still something oddly young about him.

“Am I the first person you’ve ever had a relationship with?” Tony asked while trying not to grin. Thor’s face became red and indignant.

“I have had plenty of—”

“More than just fucking and leaving them?” Tony said, cutting him off. Thor choked on his words.

“I am trying to woo you,” Thor admitted, his shoulders sagging.

“I’m not a poetry type of guy.”

“A walk then?”

“You are aware that I was brought here against my will and forced to marry you, aren’t you?”

“Is that uncommon?” Thor looked so naive it was almost painful for Tony.

“Yes.” Tony sighed. Was this kid for real? “I’m not easily ‘wooed’. At this point I don’t even like you, probably won’t ever like you in a romantic sense.” It was harsh, but the truth. He wasn’t going to go soft on him just because he was in a different culture. This was not a ‘when in Rome’ situation.

“What can I do? I’m not used to…” Damn, he really did need training wheels. If Tony wanted to, he could probably rule this whole kingdom. But he usually left take overs and mergers to Pepper.

“Sleeping on the couch is definitely a good first step. No one likes having their personal space invaded.” Tony chuckled. “It was your room first, but I think we can agree that it’s the least you can do.” Thor nodded in agreement.

“The second step?”

Tony weighed his options. He wasn’t ready to leave Asgard yet. He didn’t want to leave Thor to the hyenas either.

Guess this wasn’t going to be a vacation. Tony didn’t work for free though.

*****

The All-Speak was nifty as fuck.

It had been a long time since he’d visited a library, but in the words of Aladdin, this was a ‘whole new world’.

Knowledge for knocking the naivety out of Thor was a fair trade in Tony’s opinion.

He felt a slight breeze and looked up from the scroll he was reading. There were no windows anywhere near him and from what he understood Asgard’s palace was ‘magically’ the right temperature.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Tony sang while rolling the scroll back up. He was only skimming Asgard’s history for context. He tapped it on the table while standing. “No need to be coy.” Hopefully it wasn’t an assassin or one of Thor’s spurned bedmates. “I don’t bite.”

He surveyed the area slowly. When he turned back to his table there was a new stack of books there.

“Thank you, Casper.”

*****

“You can’t just assume that others want the same thing as you,” Tony told Thor, starting with the basics after he’d observed him hanging out with his friends. They were all cut from the same cloth. “And you can’t assume that going with what is expected, like poetry, will work. Poetry does nothing for me.” Tony made a dismissive hand motion.

“Then what should I do?”

“You were on the right course when asking me for a walk. There is no one sure way to wooing. Every person is different. You have to be able to pick up on their cues in order to woo them.”

“Cues?”

“They can be subtle things.” Tony grinned and leaned forward. “If I was trying to woo you I’d start with a drink and a dance.”

“That has happened to me many times.”

“Yes, but how many of those people led instead of following while dancing? How many of them have dipped you backwards and showed you new dances?”

“No one.” Thor looked surprised, yet pleased.

“Exactly.”

*****

It shouldn’t have been so easy to dump a vat of laxatives into the oversized cauldron of soup, but it was.

Watching King Odin bolt from his seat later that night was wonderful.

*****

“They could have you executed for what you did,” a low voice said from behind him.

“Those books you gave me made it clear that I can’t be. That herb has a medicinal property that promotes health. It’s not my fault it has the side-effect of getting their bowels moving. I’m just trying to ensure that Asgard’s nobility will have long, productive lives,” Tony said in an even tone.

The person behind him let out a chuckle that seemed to fade. Tony didn’t bother looking behind him. His friendly ghost was already gone.

*****

“Don’t I get some sort of royal allowance?” Tony asked, already knowing he was supposed to. It had been in one of the books that kept showing up.

The money was technically controlled by Thor though because of aristocrat bullshit.

“Yes, it is a hefty annual sum. Would you like to go shopping?” Thor’s eyes lit up. Tony didn’t know if it was because he liked shopping or because it was an opportunity for them to spend time together.

“Sure.” Even if that meant he had to be stuffed in midlevel armor.

“Wonderful!” He really was a kid.

*****

“Yeah, no. Where I’m from I’m a billionaire. I’ve been shopping for myself since I could point. All you have to do is pay. I’ll do the choosing.” In every scenario he’d thought up when it came to marriage, he never thought his spouse would be the one with the money.

Besides, Thor had terrible taste in… just about everything. He also kept trying to convince Tony to get a weapon.

“As you wish, husband.” 

“Stop directing me towards jewelry. Buying me stuff isn’t going to woo me.” Thor began pouting and Tony felt like an ass. “We’re spending time together. That’s a good thing.”

*****

The blowtorch he made wasn’t pretty, but he knew it would do its job.

Thor slept like the dead, making it easy for Tony to slip out of their chambers.

The guards had a stupidly predictable route and stuck to it like clockwork.

The training yard was deserted, but plenty of chests and cabinets full of weapons lined the walls, all made of metal.

Tony set to work, wearing an improvised welding mask.

He made quick work of the cabinets, welding their doors together. He did the same to all, but one chest. In that one he welded all the weapons to the actual chest.

He had his blowtorch disassembled and was back in bed before the next guard shift.

*****

He heard two guards chatting about how Lady Sif had hit herself in the face with a training sword while trying to pull it out of the chest.

*****

A cloaked figure leaned against the table Tony was sitting at. The only piece of skin he could see on the stranger were pale, long fingers that had black painted fingernails.

“Hello, Phantom of the Opera,” Tony said without looking away from his book.

“You still haven’t found my identity?”

“Haven’t been trying.” Tony flipped the page of his book. “Figured you’d come to me if you wanted to.” Tony glanced over at him. “I wasn’t wrong.”

The stranger tapped his nails on the table.

“There was another candidate to be Thor’s consort,” the stranger said. Tony noted that he didn’t use Thor’s title. He either had no respect for the title or was a similar rank—possibly both.

Tony didn’t respond and the tapping fingers became more insistent.

“The other was actual royalty of some nation in Midgard. Prince Klause, I believe his name is. He’s far better looking and has a mind for strategy. His country is flourishing because of his business deals.”

Tony racked his brain for the name Klaus. It rang a faint bell. Pepper probably would be able to give Tony a full biography on him, if she wasn’t still on Earth probably having every inch of the world combed over for him.

“Why was I chosen then?” He looked up the arm that had revealed itself as the nameless man had tapped his fingers on the table. The sleeve was intricate and a green that was so dark it was nearly black.

“There was a woman, when Thor was on Midgard for a handful of days. He became enamored with her. She is a scientist, such as yourself.”

“And she wasn’t chosen because?” Tony was getting tired of all this cloak-and-dagger nonsense.

“Thor would have fallen in love with her further. Odin does not want the next in line to be part Midgardian. He has already chosen the perfect wife for Thor.”

“Someone who Odin can control, I’d assume.” Tony was so fucking tired of politics, especially politics that he’d been pulled into.

The stranger snorted.

“Yes, you are correct in that assumption.”

There was no love lost between the stranger and Odin.

“You’ve got a name?”

“Of course.” From the corner of his eye Tony saw the stranger fade away like a phantasm.

*****

“Who has access to the castle?” Tony asked Thor over lunch. Thor chewed his mouthful quickly and swallowed.

“The royal family, nobles, diplomats, and servants.” Countless people.

“Access to the library?”

“Is someone harassing you?” Thor’s whole demeanor changed from laidback college student to Xena Warrior Princess. It was almost flattering.

“No, just trying to understand Asgard.” Tony put on an air of casualness.

“The royal family and a few choice nobles.” Thor took a bite of a meat that Tony didn’t want to know the origin of. “The library is one of Asgard’s most prized possessions, for some reason.”

Tony held back a biting remark. So this is one of those societies that limited access to knowledge, belittled it.

An uninformed populous was easier to control, but led to a stagnant society that could easily be fooled.

He’d have to change that.

*****

Tony was going to whack Thor over the head. He had three guards not so subtly following him.

“For fuck’s sake,” Tony whispered to himself. He wouldn’t be able to get anything done at this rate. He already had a good idea on how to put an end to this farce of a marriage and get back to Earth. He was more interested in screwing around in Asgard.

He turned a corner and felt a strange tingling. When he looked back there was a wall.

“Hogwarts shit, right there,” Tony whispered to himself.

When he turned back around the man cloaked in black was there, face downturned and covered in shadows. He held his hand up, a golden necklace dangling from his fingers.

“I have protected you thus far. Heimdall and Odin are able to see all, but if you wear this they won’t be able to see you clearly through magical means.”

“Your price?” Tony asked, filing away this new information so he could see if it was true or not later on.

“Continue with your mischief and teaching Thor how to be a better person so that he won’t fail as a king.”

“You have a vested interest in him.” Tony moved closer to him. He did not receive any response other than the necklace being swung back and forth. It had small emeralds incrusted in the pendant. With the All-Speak he could see many of the runes were of protection.

“Once you put it on no one, save yourself, will be able to see it.”

Tony took it from him.

“Side-effects?”

“If Heimdall and Odin take notice of how blurry your image is they could grow suspicious.”

“That’s nothing I can’t handle.” Tony fingered the chain. “What else?”

“You don’t trust easily,” the stranger said.

“Being able to see your face would probably help.”

“What if I’m a shapeshifter? They exist in this realm.”

“They exist in my realm too, now show me that pretty face of yours.”

The stranger was hesitant, his long fingers touching the hood of his cloak in a slow motion.

Tony hadn’t realized the hood had been moved back at first. The hair that was revealed was the same powerful shade of black, but it held a shine to it. His eyes were green and bloodshot. His complexion was sickly and his skin was almost translucent.

“If you were a shapeshifter I doubt you’d let yourself look like that.” Tony’s comment startled a broken laugh out of the stranger.

“Indeed.” The image in front of Tony shifted.

His cheeks became rounded and rosy, eyes clearer, and his posture became stronger.

“Damn, that was awesome.”

“Trust me now?” he asked while grinning.

“I’ve done crazier things with less trust.” Tony slipped the necklace on and tucked it under his shirt. “You gonna give me your name?”

“I don’t like you that much, mortal.” Tony would have been put off if not for the stranger’s teasing tone. He put his dark hood back in place before walking through a wall.

“Nice talking to you too, Casper.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Are ghosts real?” Tony asked, echoing a question from his childhood.

Thor considered his question.

“Bodies have souls. When the body dies it releases the soul. It goes either to Helheim or Valhalla. It has no choice, but to go. It does not linger.” Thor nodded, seemingly pleased with his own answer.

“But when they go there do they have to stay?”

“That is… a very good question. I shall have to consult my mother on this matter. It is the queen’s duty to hold such knowledge of birth and death.”

“Cool, coolie, cool-cool,” Tony rambled out. “I’m worried about my people back on Earth. Pepper Potts is my best friend and works for my company. I trust her to maintain my empire, but I don’t know if she’s alright. Is there anyone who can check on her for me?”

“I shall task Heimdall, the gatekeeper, with this. No realm is hidden to his sight.” So at least part of what the stranger told him was true.

Damn Pepper and her royal court intrigue movies and novels. He felt like this was all some sort of scheme to overthrow the king.

He just wanted to be home, snarking with Jarvis.

*****

Tony learned how to easily escape out of his guards’ watch. His friendly ghost had left him a book that looked new and handwritten with all the secret passages in the palace. Tony was quick to memorize the thick tome before burning it as was instructed at the end.  

His mischief became widespread. He borrowed a lot of ideas from movies and mixed them with his natural genius.

The Asgardians were a predictable lot and cast their blame on someone named Loki, though Tony never saw the individual or heard of him beyond scathing remarks.

Tony had the feeling this Loki was his Casper.

Tony did spend a great deal of time schooling Thor and social issues and how to be a good leader. The kid studied like he’d skipped every class, but needed to ace the final to graduate.

*****

Queen Frigga had an undertone of condescending to her, but mostly she made it clear that she was happy with him and how he was teaching her son.

The way she smiled at him was patronizing. The only reason he interacted with her other than because it was expected was because she was Thor’s mother.

It also didn’t hurt that she played on his love of technology by sending him all sorts of things to take apart and learn from.

*****

It was a month and a half before he saw his creepy fairy-godmother again.

“You’re pretty ballzy,” Tony said as he began removing his stuffy boots. The stranger was sitting in one of the lounge chairs in Tony’s bedroom. “Sneaking into the Prince’s Consort’s room is probably breaking one of those rules that would get your hands cut off.”

Casper didn’t look bothered by the notion. His hood was down and he looked like he was on the edge of passing out.

“Odin has his guards searching for me. They will search Thor’s chambers, but Thor will bar them entry to your room.”

“You sound pretty confident about that.” Tony shucked his boots aside and grabbed a gizmo to take apart, not bothered by his company.

“Very little changes in this realm. It would be foolish not to take advantage of that.” Tony hummed in agreement.

“Need me to grab you some food or anything?” Despite what Pepper may think, Tony could be a good host when he wanted to.

“No, I would like to,” Casper eyed him, “rest.” There was a hunted look in his expression, as if he expected Tony to attack him the second he let his guard down.

“You can use the bed. I was planning on pulling all these things apart and mapping out my next trick tonight.” Tony turndowned the bedding before going over to his makeshift workstation. “I’ll try to be quiet, but no guarantees.”

Suspicion filled the green eyes of his guest, but he moved on silent feet to the bed. He did not remove his cloak, but Tony could see that his shirt was green and his pants looked to be black leather. Kinky.

Tony went to work on constructing a mechanical bird that would poop on command. It had to be light enough to fly, but large enough to carry its payload.

Tony was being very creative with the different materials he used, most of which had no equivalent on Earth.

He could feel eyes on him, but ignored them.

How the bird was to be powered was its own problem, but one Tony enjoyed taking on. As much as he loved Jarvis, he also liked when he had to figure out the simpler things on his own.

It was a few hours later that he noticed that he no longer felt the burn of someone’s gaze on him.

Casper was asleep. He was curled around a pillow tightly, fingers having ripped through the pillowcase and into the stuffing.

Tony tried not to think of the whole ‘sleeping position meanings’ BS that he read in a magazine once.

*****

“Made you a gift,” Tony said when his guest had snapped upright and into consciousness.

Sharp eyes zoned in on him.

“I slept through the night,” he said while still clutching the pillow.

“Yeah, Asgard really knows how to make good mattresses.” Tony knew that wasn’t what Casper was getting at, but he wasn’t going to call him on it. So far his fairy-godmother had been a boon in his fucked up situation. No need to change that.

“Indeed.” He swept his hand over the ripped pillow, green followed in its wake, mending the fabric. “You spoke of a gift?”

“It’s nothing fancy.” Tony held up a device that was half the size of his palm. “It’s a music box pendant. Just crank this,” Tony demonstrated, “and it plays a classic Earth lullaby.” Tony released the crank and the music began chiming. Neither moved until the tune came to its end. “I don’t have a chain for it though, so yeah. It’s for you.” Tony held it out, feeling all sorts of awkward.

It disappeared from his hand before reappearing in his guest’s.

“You have my thanks.” They stared at each other for a moment before a shimmer of green left Tony alone in the room.

*****

“Thor, I swear to every higher power that I will smite you if you break another mug,” Tony said in a pleasant voice during a rambunctious feast.

Thor looked properly cowed, setting down his nearly empty mug.

Queen Frigga giggled like a young girl. It was off putting.

“Consort, I have been trying to teach him that since he was a babe in nappies.” Thor’s cheeks became a rosy red and his friends laughed obnoxiously. “We did well in choosing you.”

He really wanted to say something scathing to her, but figured that was probably not the best idea. He was pissed off because she had embarrassed Thor, who Tony had begrudgingly taken under his wing, and because she was talking about Tony’s kidnapping nonchalantly.

“I guess I’m a better teacher,” Tony said conversationally while cutting into his dinner. Frigga reeled backwards indignantly.

“Aye, it helps that you have the keys to the kingdom,” Frandal said, leering at Tony suggestively.

Thor laughed uncomfortably, trying to ease the situation.

Tony didn’t respond, trying not to escalate the situation. Pepper would be proud.

*****

“You have insulted my wife, the queen,” King Odin said the following day. Tony had been summoned to the throne room the second Thor had left his side.

Tony was more annoyed at the situation than anything else.

He also thought Odin’s giant throne was an eyesore.

“I am merely doing what I was brought here to do, teach Thor how to be a proper king, man, and husband. In retrospect I could have handled things more subtly, but it is unlikely anyone will take Thor seriously if his mother treats him like a child and says he hasn’t changed since he was in diapers. How Thor acts is influenced by the ones he holds closest. He loves his mother dearly and doesn’t have the heart to ask her to stop. It may have been a show of love on her part, but that was neither the time nor place. You and the queen are dignified towards each other. I assume she does this because she cares and because you’re king. She needs to start treating him as a king while in public if she wants other to do so as well.”

Tony felt as slick as oil as Odin’s eye narrowed in contemplation. Tony had channeled his inner Pepper since she wasn’t here to get his ass out of the fire.

“Mind what you say to her, Consort. You are dismissed.”

*****

Tony relayed the conversation to Thor that night. He could tell how it pained Thor to think that his relationship with his mother would change. Tony assured him that things would only be different in public, even though he knew it would seep into their private life as well.

Tony never had to deal with the awkward ‘handing over the reins’ situation with Howard and he was even more grateful for that now.

Families were weird.

*****

“You certainly are entertaining,” Casper the friendly ghost said as he blurred into existence in Tony’s room. “Word of what you said to Queen Frigga has spread.” He referred to her as queen while leaving out the titles of the other royals. Tony didn’t know how to interpret that.

“It wasn’t my goal to insult her.”

Green eyes flitted across Tony’s face, scrutinizing him. They dimmed after a moment before he turned to the bed. He did not ask permission before crawling under the sheets and falling asleep.

Tony could see the music box pendant poking out of his shirt.

*****

“What’s wrong?” Tony asked while sitting across from Thor at breakfast.

“I am reminiscing on days gone by.”

“Your time on Earth?”

“How did you know about that?” Thor did not sound like he was accusing him, just curious.

“I heard about it through my connections.” He didn’t mention that his connection was a shifty man who acted like a ghost. “I’m very powerful on my planet, remember?”

“You have great power here as well. Being the Prince’s Consort is an honor.” Tony leveled an annoyed look at him. “Apologies.” Thor dug into his breakfast, trying to end the conversation.

“Tell me about her.”

Thor chewed slowly before swallowing. He looked pained.

“Jane is brilliant. I have never met anyone like her in all my years. She believed me when no one else would. She was the first one not to immediately be enamored with me even when she knew the truth of my heritage and royal status. She gave me peace and showed me how foolish I had been.”

“She sounds like a peach.” He was racking his brain for any scientists named Jane, but most papers he read only mentioned scientists by their last name and title. He didn’t want to ask Thor for her name though. It could raise suspicion on why he knew of her, but not her last name. “Do you love her?”

“Deeply.” Thor gripped his chest.

“Then why aren’t you with her?”

Thor opened his mouth then looked down at his plate.

“I do not know.”

*****

“Are you going to tell me your name?” Tony asked Casper. He had completely foregone his cloak this time. He was getting comfortable in Tony’s presence.

“My name is of no importance.”

“Names only have as much importance as someone gives to them. You might not find it important, but I will. You’re the only sane person in this place and the only reason I haven’t gone bonkers.”

That seemed to catch Casper off guard.

“Very few would agree with your assessment of me being ‘sane’.” He arched an eyebrow primly.

“Everyone could agree that gravity doesn’t exist, but that wouldn’t mean they’re right,” Tony said bluntly.

Casper let out a loud laugh that was cut off almost immediately.

“Yes, I think it is fair that I gift you with my name. I am Prince Loki of this retched realm, God of Mischief and Fire, and one of the strongest mages in all nine realms.”

“Fancy. I’m Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and alien abductee.”

“How charming.” Loki was grinning as he started fading away. “We shall meet under different circumstances next time.”

*****

Tony didn’t even have to wait a full day.

The doors to the feasting hall slammed open and an unnatural breeze swept through the masses, causing many to shiver. Whispers began as Loki appeared, bedecked in ‘casual’ armor and a devil-may-care grin.

“Hello citizens, family.” He bobbed his head slightly as he strode into the room.

He looked healthier and stronger than when Tony had seen him last.

Tony chanced a glance at the royals. Thor was beaming, Odin was his usual unreadable self, and Frigga looked confused.

“Has custom changed in my absence? Is this how you are supposed to greet a prince?” He sounded so damn cocky that Tony had to work not to laugh. The crowd was grumbling, but nobles stood and gave half-assed bows. “You all need to work on your etiquette, lest I become personally offended.”

Loki swapped an unused goblet from one of the many tables.

“Apologies, dear brother,” he said while raising the goblet, “I would have congratulated you on your marriage sooner, had I been invited to the ceremony.” He spun around to face the nobles. “A toast to the newlyweds! May their marriage be one of happiness and lead Asgard to a brighter future.” The sentiment was echoed. Loki downed his drink before turning back to the royal family again. “It is wonderful to meet you, Consort Stark.” Loki took Tony’s hand and kissed his knuckles in a flourished movement. “I have a wedding gift for you.” Green oozed out of his hand as a golden apple appeared in his palm.

“Loki!” Odin growled out, startling nearly everyone.

“Father, you sound as if you do not wish for their marriage to prosper, as if you want Consort Stark to die and leave Thor miserable.” Loki was the picture of innocence, but Tony was certain that everyone saw through him.

“Giving Idunn’s apples to mortals is strictly forbidden.”

“Strange, I’ve read that you gave your brother’s new wife an apple for their wedding, or are these three tomes mistaken?” Books appeared on the table, open to the relevant passages. “Furthermore, giving golden apples to great heroes is a tradition. During your speech at their wedding you extolled Consort Stark’s abilities, comparing him to heroes that you have given apples to. I see no reason for a law that you can change with just a word to get in the way of me blessing their marriage, unless you truly never wanted this marriage to last.”

Tony had to give Loki props for being so ballzy. He knew exactly what the apple would do to him. It had been in one of the books Loki had directed him to.

“It has not even been a year. Midgardians are wont to divorce, especially those from his country of origin.”

Loki turned his attention to Thor.

“Brother, do you hold the belief that you two will divorce?” Mischief was twinkling in Loki’s eyes and Tony could see how Thor was being completely pulled into Loki’s scheme.

“Nay, brother. I find myself amazed by my husband every day. I wish for his presence not to be cut short by such an easily fixed problem that is mortality.”

“Does he know of the consequences of the apple?” Frigga asked Loki.

“I’m aware,” Tony said, hating being talked over. “Increased strength, physical resistance, and longevity. Most importantly it will give me more time with my husband.” Tony added in the last part just for shits and giggles.

Frigga pursed her lips and was not happy.

Well fuck you too.

He turned his attention back to Loki.

“You honor us with this gift, Prince Loki.” He was handed the apple and without hesitance he bit into it.

Mortality was overrated.

*****

Thor was red in the face from laughing so hard. They were seated in Tony and Thor’s chambers, sharing a pitcher of mead.

“I have missed you and your mischief,” Thor said, one arm draped over Loki’s shoulders.

“Odin’s machinations were too obvious for me to stay silent.” Loki’s eyes flickered to Tony. “He should be ashamed for heedlessly taking someone from their home.”

“At least they didn’t force us to have sex. I would have taken revenge to a whole new level,” Tony admitted, feeling relaxed for the first time since he got to Asgard.

“Yes, your tricks are part of the reason I have come back to court.”

“Tricks?” Thor asked while looking between them with a creased brow. He looked adorable, and that wasn’t just the mead talking. Tony just wanted to keep him safe. He wondered if this is how parents felt.

“Thor, you are always so oblivious.” Loki rolled his eyes playfully. “It’s of no matter.”

Thor nodded, letting the subject drop.

“I am pleased you are with us again?” It came out awkwardly as a question.

“I have no wish to slink back into the shadows, not with how things are now. Odin was wise to get you a mentor, even though the way he went about it was foolish.”

“I never thought I’d be anyone’s mentor,” Tony said while chuckling and leaning back in his seat. “If they wanted someone to whip him into shape they should have gotten Pep. She’s a force to be reckoned with.” Tony chuckled. “You play a good Maleficent in there, Loki. Why weren’t you invited to the wedding?”

“I did invite him,” Thor cut in.

“But Odin made it clear he didn’t want me to attend.” Loki let out a huff. “Who is this Maleficent you speak of?”

“She is from a fairytale. She crashed a party because she wasn’t invited. Though you were channeling your inner Evil Queen. She’s from another fairytale. She gave the main character, Snow White, a poisoned apple because a mirror told her that Snow White was prettier than her.” Tony paused and gave Loki a devilish grin. “You didn’t give me that apple _just_ because you think I’m handsome, did you?” Tony added in a wink for good show.

“I was actually hoping the apple would improve your looks, since it pains me to see your face.”

“Ow, straight through the heart. You’re merciless.”

“What use would I have for mercy? Soon the apple will take affect and you will be far more resilient.” Loki looked proud of himself and Thor was chuckling.

“Turnabout is fair play. Just remember that, Loki.” Tony wiggled his eyebrows at him and Loki grinned slyly.

Thor cleared his throat.

“I find that I must ask you why you chose to eat the apple. Not everyone in your position would choose to.”

Tony drummed his fingers on his goblet, eyes distant for a moment.

“There’s someone on Earth. He’s… kind of my son. I created him and as far as I know, he’s immortal. I don’t want Jarvis to be left alone. He’s been trying to elongate my life since he understood the concept of mortality. When I see him next he’ll be ecstatic, once he scolds me for getting kidnapped again.”

“Again?” Thor asked, half a smile in place. Loki was frowning.

“I’m rich and capable of making unique weapons. It comes with the territory.”

“Being wed to me will only make you a bigger target. I will not allow anyone to take you.”

“Careful, hubby, you’re starting to sound awfully possessive.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Thor blue, naïve eyes widened.

“You’ll get it one day, kid.” Tony stood and patted Thor on the shoulder. He nodded at Loki before heading to his room.

*****

Tony picked up that something had shifted between Loki and Thor. He didn’t know enough about their relationship to pinpoint the change.

They had an awkward vibe that only seemed to grow stronger when Tony was there.

Tony also noticed that Loki’s eyes were brighter. He didn’t know if that was because Loki was getting healthier or because of an illusion.

Tony finally cornered Thor after a painful lunch with his mother.

“Why are you and Loki being so weird around each other?”

Thor froze.

“I know not what you mean.”

“If you’re going to be a successful politician you’ll need to know how to lie,” Tony deadpanned. Thor shifted on his feet.

“You are not the first to tell me that.”

“You’ll also have to get better at changing the subject. Why are you two being awkward?”

Thor didn’t answer. Tony began crowding him until Thor had his back pressed to the wall.

Thor cleared his throat and had his eyes set on the ceiling. Tony let out an annoyed hum, not budging. He stared daggers at Thor.

Thor began sweating.

“You _are_ going to tell me, husband.” Tony wasn’t going to let up. He needed all the information he could get if he was going to get home smoothly.

“If you wish to court another…”

“Is this about Jane?” Tony asked when Thor didn’t continue. Thor still didn’t look at him and it was starting to become annoying.

“No, I merely wish for you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.”

“You know I could be executed if I was dumb enough to cheat on you. Is this your way of trying to get a divorce?”

“No!” Thor finally made eye contact. He looked panicked. Tony gave him some space.

“Then tell me the truth.”

“I am. If you find yourself attracted to another it is alright for you to have relations with them, so long as you two don’t get caught.”

Tony took a step back and looked Thor over. He was raising more questions than answers.

“I’ve spent a lot of years making sure my dick doesn’t end up getting me killed. That’s not going to change now.”

“I speak of more than just fornication.” Thor looked personally offended, setting off alarm bells in Tony’s head.

“Are you mad because I’m not sleeping with you?” Tony hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but his mind had flashed to his worries about their wedding night.

Thor became flustered and embarrassed, easing some of Tony’s worry.

“No—I just—” Thor threw his hands up and practically ran out of the room.

Tony watched him go with his head tilted to the side.

He really didn’t understand Asgard.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony was trying to stay calm. Odin had chosen the exact moment Thor was away to summon Tony.

He went with a tried and true method and dressed in his best armor.

He missed his suit, but at least if he was going to be killed he’d look good.

Odin was sitting in his ridiculous blinged out throne.

There were only two guards in the room, but that was two more than what Tony wanted around. As strong as the apple had made him he still was no match. He had no training with medieval weapons as opposed to the Asgardians who’d practically been born with sword in hand.

Odin stared at him with his one eye, glaring down at him. Tony wanted to laugh. He’d been playing this game since he was a toddler and still hadn’t met anyone who could glare like his father.

He hadn’t been intimidated in decades and wasn’t planning on doing so now.

“ _Father_ , you summoned me,” Tony said in a sickly sweet voice. Odin didn’t flinch, but Tony got the feeling he’d annoyed him.

“What are your intentions with Thor?”

Tony couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

The laugh had practically been punched out of him and only grew.

He bent at the waist as his sides starting aching from his peals of laughter. His eyes watered and face became red.

Odin slammed down his spear, but Tony just held up his pointer finger, still caught up in the hilarity of the whole situation.

A hand gripped his arm and Tony yanked himself free while glaring at the guard.

“I am the Thor’s consort. You will not touch me unless you wish to feel my husband’s wrath.” The guard immediately backed off and then glanced at Odin. The irate king waved him off. “You know, _father_ , normally you ask that question before you force someone to marry your son.”

“You shall answer the question or find yourself in the dungeons.”

“I wonder how Thor would react to that. Besides. I’m the one who should be demanding to know your intentions. Clearly you didn’t see me as being a long term fixture in Thor’s life. It’s your own damn fault that your plan didn’t work.” Tony grinned smugly as Odin’s face took on an unflattering shade of red.

“If you hold my son’s affections hostage—”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! _You’re_ the one who forced me to marry him!   _You’re_ the one who got us in this situation! And now you’re bitching because Thor cares about me?”

“Guards!”

The two gold armored guards began approaching him. Tony swore under his breath.

“If the king can’t handle a bit of criticism then I’ll happily go to the dungeon.” Tony turned his back on Odin and the guards flanked him, both hesitant to touch him after Tony’s earlier threat.

*****

His cell was a thousand times better than the cave in Afghanistan he was previously locked in. The only upside to his time in Afghanistan compared to here was that he actually had things he could do. His cell was practically empty. The only distraction he had was his view of the cell across from his which had some alien that looked vicious.

At least he wasn’t getting prison food. It looked like they just piled food up from the feasting hall and brought it to his cell.

Three days had gone by and Tony was practically dying of boredom.

He was appreciating his new strength though, now that he had nothing better to do.

Tony could walk on his hands which he hadn’t been able to do since MIT. He’d have to do a kegstand in front of Rhodey—assuming he ever got to see him again. That would get him a laugh.

Tony pushed that thought away. He knew he’d get back home eventually.

He hadn’t given up hope in that hell hole of a cave and he wasn’t going to do so now.

He’d been dicking around in Asgard for too long. He’d accumulated plenty of new ideas to take home. The only thing keeping him here, other than his locked cell, was Thor’s naivety.

That damn kid was going to be the death of Tony.

Hopefully Odin’s hissy-fit would give Thor a better idea of how manipulative his father was.

Tony also couldn’t risk Thor becoming a puppet for Odin. The old bugger was going to kick the bucket eventually and then the one pulling Thor’s strings would be the wife Odin had chosen for him. That would be a very dangerous situation for Earth.

“This is so fucked up.”

*****

It was another day before he saw Thor and Loki.

Thor looked like a little boy whose teacher had called his parents. Loki had an annoyed look on his face with an edge of fatigue.

The gold lattice that made up one of the walls in his cell faded away.

“Odin creates his own rules. Pushing him has never yielded good results,” Loki said while stepping into the cell and to Tony’s side. He placed his hand on the small of Tony’s back and guided him out.

Thor was staring at the ground as they walked down the dungeon halls.

Tony couldn’t feel the hand on his back through his armor, but it was strangely comforting.

He realized no one had touched him so casually since he and Pepper almost got together.

He brushed that thought away and tried not to think about the fact that he hadn’t showered in five days. It wasn’t that long for him, but he usually didn’t have to be around other people when he was sporting a funk.

“What happened?”

“Odin forbid us from seeing you. He tried to force Thor to divorce you so he could have you executed.”

“How’d that go?”

“I shall not be strong armed into leaving you,” Thor grumbled. His hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“We argued with him and I let the real reason why he imprisoned slip. Your argument with him is common knowledge now.”

“They always try to save face.” Tony let out a hollow chuckle.

Typical.

“Now what?”

“Queen Frigga thinks it would be best for Odin not to see you for a while. She suggested Midgard.”

“Home?” Tony perked up and looked to Thor. “You’ll get to see Jane.”

“I am forbidden to leave, but you must have an escort. Loki will go with you.” Thor was clearly in pain. Tony wanted to ease his worries, but comforting others was not his strong suit.

“Write her a letter then. I’ll hand deliver it for you.”

“You would do that?” His blue eyes widened and filled with tears.

“Calm down, Lion-O. It’s the least I can do and the poor girl deserves an explanation.”

Thor deflated again.

“I do not know what to write.”

“Just tell her why you haven’t been able to contact her, that you’re sorry, and that you’re trying to work on a way to see her.”

Hell must have really frozen over for Tony to be giving relationship advice. His fake marriage with Thor was the longest relationship he’d ever had.

“What if she hates me?”

“Then she is a fool,” Loki said. “It is better to know so then you can start moving forward.”

*****

Thor’s letter was safely tucked away in Tony’s belongings as they stood in the Bifrost solarium. Loki had no luggage. Tony was secretly looking forward to taking him shopping.

He felt the lurch of the Bifrost swallowing him up. There was a moment of weightlessness before his feet were firmly planted on the patio of his new tower.

“Welcome back, Sir,” Jarvis said in a pleasant tone that had an undercurrent of worry.

“Hey, Jarvis. Call off the search dogs, tell Pepper I’m fine. This is my brother-in-law, Loki. He’s cool. And please tell me the alcohol I ordered has been delivered.”

“A message has been sent out to all relevant parties. Welcome to Stark Tower, Mr. Loki. The alcohol has been delivered, but not unpacked. Ms. Potts is calling.”

“Tell her I’m on another line. Get Doctor Jane Foster to New York as soon as possible. Promise her grant money for the next five years if she is being reluctant.”

“Yes, Sir. Your vitals have changed dramatically. May I suggest a doctor’s appointment?”

“I’m fit as a fiddle, J.”

“Ms. Potts is using her override codes to call,” Jarvis said. Tony narrowed his eyes.

“There are no override codes.”

“You gave her the codes over seven years ago.”

“Was I drunk?”

“Yes.”

“Ah, fine put her through.”

“Tony! Are you okay? I’ve been worried sick! If you’re dying again I’m going to be very unhappy.” Pepper’s voice came from Jarvis’ hidden speakers.

“I’m good, Pep. I was abducted by aliens, forced to marry someone, and I’m now officially royalty.”

There was a long pause.

“Are you drunk?”

“Jarvis.”

“Sir is not exhibiting his usually signs of inebriation.”

“If you went on another drunken bender with hookers just tell me now, Anthony Edward Stark.” Tony flinched. He’d almost forgotten how scary Pepper could be. “Your excuse is worse than the time you and Rhodey got locked in the It’s a Small World ride at Disneyworld.”

“Hand on my heart, Pep. Hand on my heart.”

There was a long-suffering sigh.

“I’ll be at the tower in twenty minutes. You better be there.”

The line clicked, signaling the end of the conversation.

“She is formidable,” Loki commented.

“You have no idea.”

*****

Pepper’s interrogation took just over three hours. He’d demonstrated his new strength and she didn’t believe him. Showed her the video of them landing, no luck. It was only when Loki started doing magic that she considered that Tony might not be talking out of his ass.

“Only you, Tony, only you could get into a mess like this.” Pepper was pinching the bridge of her nose. “How do we want to spin this?”

“I was on a trip to Asgard for a scientific exchanged. I have brought back lots of new ideas and was given a remedy that should prolong my life by centuries. That should boost our stocks and calm the board of directors.” He turned to Loki. “What do you think?”

“It is wise not to tell them of your marriage. Midgard is not as… progressive about same sex marriages as Asgard.”

“How do you know that?” Tony asked, grinning with an eyebrow raised. Loki scoffed.

“I would not allow someone to get close to my brother without having a thorough understanding of the individual and their possible prejudices.”

“Were you stalking me?” Tony fluttered his eyelashes. Loki let out an annoyed huff. “I mean you wouldn’t be the first one. You’re certainly the most attractive one.”

“Need I remind you that you’re a married man?” Despite his dry tone there was humor in his eyes.

“We both know that’s not my fault.”

“Yes, but it will be your fault if you get executed.”

“Tony, what is he talking about?”

“They are very medieval. I really prefer my head remaining attached to my shoulders,” he explained to Pepper before looking back at Loki. “There’s no laws against flirting, are there?”

“No, there aren’t.”

Pepper groaned at the matching glimmer in their eyes.

*****

“Doctor Foster,” Tony greeted, enthusiastically shaking her hand. “I’ve been following your work on the Einstein-Rosen Bridge. I’ve collected more readings for you from my recent trip back to Asgard.” Jane smiled. “I’ve also brought a letter from Thor.”

“Oh!” Her eyes lit up with stars and Tony was relieved to see that she still held affection for the prince even though it had been over a year since she saw him last.

Tony handed it over and she opened it with great care. Jane bit her bottom lip as she read before carefully folding it again. She sighed in a way that could only be described as love-struck.

Tony was almost a bit envious.

Loki cleared his throat.

“This is Thor’s brother, Loki. He’s traveling with me.” He didn’t tell her that Loki was his escort because Tony and Thor were married. That would only complicate matters further. “We’re working on a way for you and Thor to see each other again.”

Jane stared at them for a long moment.

“You’re the one who…” Jane shook her head. “Why? Why help me? You don’t even know me.”

“I know Thor though. He loves you.”

“My brother does not easily fall for others. He has spent centuries fending off admirers. When he found the one he wants to spend his life with I am inclined to help.”

“You’re the one who attacked Puente Antigo! You two don’t look like brothers.” Jane smacked a hand over her mouth as Loki visibly flinched.

“Yes, we are not related by blood.” Loki’s voice was cold and hard. “But we still view each other as brothers. Our lack of blood relation is known by very few and I hope to keep it that way.”

“Yes, sorry! That was rude of me!”

Loki nodded, turning away from them.

“Odin, Thor’s father is a jackass though.” Loki let out a choked off laugh. “He doesn’t want your relationship with Thor to become serious because you’re a human. He can’t leave Asgard.” Tony rolled his eyes. “I have the start of a plan, but I need to know how far you’re willing to go. Once you go to Asgard you might not be able to return for many years.”

Loki gave him a curious look and Tony shrugged, letting him know he’d fill him in later.

“I…” Jane seemed to drift off into her own thoughts.

“Asgard isn’t so bad. You’ll be able to continue your research and have access to better equipment.”

“You will also be able to contact Midgard when you like through letters and astral projections,” Loki added.

“I need to think about this.”

“Take as long as you need. Stark Tower has plenty of spare bedrooms. The building’s not even officially open yet.” Tony had connected the reactor just one day before he’d been abducted by aliens.

“Thank you.”

He gave her brief directions and she left just Loki and Tony in the room.

“Plans?” Loki asked, looking more relaxed now that she was gone.

“I was thinking… maybe my problem could be her solution.”

“Ah,” Loki grinned manically, “I see.”

*****

“We must import these to Asgard,” Loki said. He was practically boneless in the hot tub. Tony snorted into his drink, distantly mourning that the alcohol didn’t affect him anymore.

“I’ll make it happen.”

“Sir, another delivery of food has arrived. Shall I send it up?”

“Yes!” Tony raised his drink in the air. They were having a feast in the hot tub, both being careful not to spill in the roiling waters.

Loki was loving trying all the different cuisines and Tony loved watching his delighted expressions.

He could tell that Loki was slowly letting his guard down, that full body exhaustion Loki had when they first met was seeping through.

Tony wanted to ask him about it, but didn’t how to approach the subject.

He’d only heard hissed insults about Loki from the nobles and guards, but nothing about his actual history.

“You look idiotic when you’re in deep thought,” Loki said in a dull tone.

“Thanks, babe.” Tony winked at Loki froze for a split second, looking confused. “It’s a term of endearment, not an insult.” Loki’s shoulders relaxed slightly. By the time the food was in their hands things were back to normal and Tony’s curiosity had grown stronger.

*****

The news of Stark Industries expanding beyond Earth was on every media outlet.

Tony did a few interviews before SHIELD caught up with him, demanding to take Loki into custody.

“No,” Tony said, standing between them and Loki.

“He is responsible for an attack in New Mexico that injured eight people and caused thousands of dollars in damage.” Coulson sounded like he was talking to a five-year-old.

“Your proof?”

“Witnesses reported that Thor said the attack was on Loki’s order.”

“That’s hearsay twice over.” Tony would have to read up on the situation. “Besides, diplomatic immunity.”

Coulson sighed.

“That’s not how diplomatic immunity works, Mr. Stark. He needs to be taken into custody.”

“Over my dead body and an army of lawyers.” Tony stood firmly. “You even try to take him and I’ll flip SHIELD on its head.”

“We’ll be contacting you later, Mr. Stark.” Coulson straightened his tie and left.

“You could have let them take me. I would have merely escaped and put a shade in my place.”

“They need to remember who they are messing with. I’m tired of them hacking my AI. Besides, I like you too much to let them take you.”

Loki gave him a strange look and Tony smiled in response.

*****

Loki had spiced up their drinks with alcohol that would actually affect them.

Tony was bemoaning the idiocy of his R&D department. They weren’t keeping up with his ideas and new information.

The conversation switched to Loki telling Tony about his pranks and Tony telling him about his wild youth. They were cracking up and both their faces were flushed. Tony fell out of his seat and Loki practically died of laughter.

The hangover was not nearly as fun as the night before, but it was shorter than any hangover Tony had before.

*****

It was hard not to touch Loki as they were out clothing shopping. Loki enjoyed modelling and had no semblance of modesty. Tony was seeing a lot more flesh than expected and was getting riled up. And he knew it wasn’t because he hadn’t had sex since he was abducted.

It was because it was Loki’s skin he was seeing.

Loki, who wasn’t afraid to be different, to stand up against the powers that be. Loki, who willingly gave him knowledge and encouraged his ideas. Loki, who told witty jokes with a dry voice and bright eyes.

Tony was head over heels and married to his brother.

His life just seemed to get more complicated the more time they spent together.

*****

Tony could pick up the signs. He’d spent years looking for them and returning them in kind.

Loki had that base attraction to him, the one that made him reach out only to pull his hand back. There was more than just loyalty to Thor and Tony’s safety that was holding Loki back.

Tony was determined to figure out what it was.

*****

“These tabloids say you are making up your business dealings with Asgard,” Loki stated blandly, tossing the shoddy tabloid aside.

“Well, they’re not wrong.” Tony stretched, eyeing Loki. He looked comfortable, more relaxed. “Are you still…” Tony gestured to Loki’s face.

“You’re being annoyingly vague.”

“Are you okay? When we met you seemed tired.”

Loki frowned, for once not hiding his expression. His eyes drifted away and hands clenched.

Tony went and sat by his side, leaving his palm open and between them. Loki stared at it for a moment before lacing his fingers with Tony’s. Loki’s shoulders drooped and he leaned heavily against the back of the couch.

“I have been tired for decades. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I broke.” Loki squeezed his hand, but the motion felt weak. “How the others regard me shouldn’t matter—I wish it doesn’t matter, but it affects me. Their scorn isn’t unfounded, but when I found out—” Loki bit down on his tongue.

“Go on,” Tony prompted him, brushing his thumb against Loki’s hand.

“I found out something that I wish wasn’t true. It… broke me. Thor was banished to Midgard, Odin had fallen into a healing rest, and I was made king regent of Asgard. I was angry and afraid. I lashed out at Thor, nearly killing him. I destroyed cities and killed so many. I wanted to prove myself to Odin, but it didn’t work. I didn’t want to live anymore, but that option was take from me.” Loki was scowling while staring at the empty space in front of him.

Tony let go of his hand and wrapped his arm around Loki’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Loki shuddered and let out a warm breath against Tony’s neck.

“Fuck those guys. I like you and I have very good taste.” Loki snorted. “I’m serious. You’re my favorite. Sorry, J, you’ve been usurped.”

“I mourn the loss, Sir.”

“Sassy bastard.” Tony buried his nose in Loki’s hair, trying to not kiss him, but still needing to be close. “Odin is an idiot, especially if he doesn’t see how fan-fucking-tabulous you are.”

“You barely know me.” Loki sounded breathless. Tony pulled him even closer.

“I know you better than all those twats in Asgard.” Tony moved back, peering at Loki. His eyes were glassy. A single tear escaped as their eyes met. “I hope things are getting better and will keep getting better.” Tony wished he knew how to handle these sorts of situation. He didn’t know how to help. “It’s selfish of me, but I’m glad they took away the option of death from you. My life would suck without you.”

“You would have been fine.” Loki’s voice was strained.

“I would have been alone.”

“You’d have had Thor.”

“He’d’ve been no consolation compared to you.” Loki began shaking. “Shit, did I say something wrong?” Tony started pulling away from him, but Loki latched onto him and began sobbing.

“Please,” Loki begged, his face hidden against Tony’s shoulder. “Please, please, please!”

“Please what, Loki? What do you need?” Tony was trying not to panic, but it wasn’t working.

“Please stay, please don’t leave me, don’t abandon me! You’re the first to—I need you!” Loki’s voice was ragged, broken.

“Whatever you need.” Loki climbed onto his lap, hugging him tightly. “Whatever you need, always.”

*****

Loki fell asleep against him and Tony contented himself by listening to Loki breathe.

He had never expected this sort of situation. Not in his wildest dreams did he think he’d be married, let alone fall in love with someone who wasn’t his spouse.

He remembered Obie pressuring him to get married and produce a Stark heir, as if he was trying to secure the legacy of his kingdom. He supposed to Obie it might have just been that.

Tony wouldn’t have been surprised if Obie got some poor woman pregnant in hopes of her having a little girl that Obie could try to marry off to Tony’s kid.

He was happy he’d gotten that maniac out of his life.

Now Tony had Rhodey, Pepper, and maybe Loki, if he would have him.

“Fucking politics,” Tony whispered.

Why did his life feel like it had come straight out of a comic book?

Loki shifted, cringing. Tony brushed his hand through Loki’s hair. His expression relaxed.

They had a plan though, even if it was a little insane.

*****

Loki was stringently ignoring their conversation from the night before. Tony could understand that. It was how Tony dealt with most of his emotional problems.

“Sir, Dr. Foster wishes to speak to you,” Jarvis said during breakfast.

“Send her up.” Tony glanced over at Loki. He looked tense “Are you ready for this?”

“Ready as I can be.” Loki pushed his plate away from him. “This is the only viable solution I see.” Loki smiled faintly. “I’m surprised Odin didn’t think of this. I look forward to seeing him red faced with anger.”

“You’re such a rebel.” Tony eyed him with poorly concealed humor. Loki preened. It was a good look on him. Tony would have to find out a way to see it more often.

Jane looked frazzled when she arrived.

“Pizza?” Tony offered, gesturing to the open pizza box.

“No, thank you.”

Tony could see that she was a ball of nervous energy. For Thor’s sake, he hoped their plan worked.

“How about you take a seat and we talk about the plan?” She reluctantly sat down. “The only way we can get you to Asgard and not immediately thrown out is if you legally are a citizen.” Jane’s eyebrows furrowed.

A small velvet box appeared in Loki’s hand, drawing her attention.

“Jane Foster, will you marry me?”

*****

Jane had passed out at the proposal, conking her head on the edge of the table.

“That could have gone better,” Tony said as Loki hefted Jane up to take her to the couch. “At least she’s not dead—She’s not dead, is she?”

“She will be fine. It is only a bump that my healing magic will have no problem solving.” Loki rolled his eyes fondly and Tony grinned. The emotional range that Loki willingly showed him had grown.

“I’ll get her some aspirin and water in case she wants it.”

Jane was awake by the time Tony joined them. She took the water and gulped down half of it.

“What would I have to do in this… marriage?” Jane asked while gripping her glass.

“Nothing sexual. You’ll have to attend royal functions, but I am the second prince so not as many as Tony has to attend. People will expect very little of you since you’re from Midgard, and even less when they know you’re married to me.” Something bitter slipped into Loki’s voice, but he quickly lost it. “You’ll have access to Asgard’s conservatory, libraries, and technologies from the different realms. You’ll be able to see Thor as much as his schedule allows. I will probably be forced in to ‘chaperoning’ when you two are together. If you agree to this there is no turning back. Marriages usually only end when one person dies. The other times they end with extreme violence.”

“But, don’t you want your own family one day? Children?” Loki’s expression became dark in an instant.

“I have no wish to propagate. I have no doubt that any spawn of mine would be sent away before I could hold them in my arms.” Tony took Loki’s hand and squeezed it. “I have said too much on the matter. Children do not pertain to our marriage unless you wish to have some with Thor. In that case Thor and Tony could adopt him or her, putting them above me in the line of succession. You’d still have access to the child, but they would call you aunt instead of mother.”

Jane fell silent, looking at her glass of water.

“Won’t they ridicule you if they saw that your wife had a child that looked like Thor?”

“I am used to their criticism and sneers. I’d worry more about the ladies of the court whispering behind your back. Their beauty belies the ugliness of their words.”

“What about your own happiness? Or is polygamy a thing on Asgard?”

“It is not. And as for marriage…” Loki unconsciously leaned toward Tony.

“Oh! This will be quite the predicament if I agree. I think I saw this movie on Lifetime.” Loki gave her a confused look and Tony snickered. “Before I make a decision I need to talk to my mom.”

“I will have to be present so that Heimdall can’t learn of our plan. You will have to make a decision immediately to lessen the risk of others finding out.”

“That works. She’ll want to meet you anyway.”

*****

Loki had teleported them across the world, even though Pepper had gotten him a passport from SHIELD.

Jane had made them all tea and Mrs. Foster looked like she smelled something funky.

“You are the one who put my Janey’s life in danger in New Mexico.”

“I was in a bad place,” Loki said blandly before taking a sip of tea. Their eye contact didn’t falter, somehow becoming more intense.

“And now you want to marry her?”

“Not particularly, no, but if it serves to get her and Thor closer I am happy to do so.”

“Why?”

“Because I love Thor and am tired of hearing him whine.”

Mrs. Foster turned her head to face Tony. He tensed up, feeling like he was about to get scolded.

“How do you fit into this?”

“I was abducted by aliens and forced to marry Thor in hopes of him forgetting about Dr. Foster. It didn’t work out, if you haven’t noticed.” Tony put on his showman’s smile and Mrs. Foster’s expression softened. Tony was always pleased when his looks made a situation easier. “I’ll look after your daughter as if she was my own.” Tony placed his hand over his heart.

“I’m not _that_ much younger than you.” Jane sent him a scathing look. It only made Tony laugh. She was small, but fierce. She’d be good for Thor. Hopefully he’d be good for her too.

Being in love was a good place to start.

“We’ve met before, Mr. Stark, at Cambridge.”

“Oh god, don’t tell me Jane’s my kid—Actually, I’d be fine with that. She’s smart and clearly knows how to bag them. That’s my MO. I will back-pay any child support you want.”

Mrs. Foster let out a strangled laugh. Loki was grinning and Jane hid her face in her hands.

“We did sleep together, but that was after Janey was already born.”

“I did not need to know that,” Jane said from behind her hands.

“What I was getting at was that I find it hard to believe you can take care of yourself Mr. Stark, let alone my daughter.”

“That’s fair. Apparently my social security number isn’t five. I’m banking on it being twelve.” Tony drifted off for a moment. “I won’t be the only one looking out for her. I may be the smartest one looking out for her,” Loki elbowed him, half amused, “but Thor and Loki are good at keeping safe. Especially Loki. He’s pulled Thor’s ass out of the fire on multiple occasions.”

“I will not let anyone hurt Jane,” Loki said, an air of danger forming around him. “She is Thor’s beloved. I would not let anyone harm him, let alone the one he loves.”

“What if he falls out of love with her? I haven’t even met this Thor person, but he seems pretty flighty. He said he’d come back to Jane, but didn’t.”

“That was, in part, my fault. The Bifrost, which is used to travel to the other realms, was broken not long after Thor returned. By the time it was repaired Odin had learned of Thor’s affections and forbid him from coming here.”

“He still married Mr. Stark despite supposedly being in love with Jane.”

“He was strong armed into it the same as I was,” Tony said, not actually being sure of the truth behind his statement. They’d never talked about it.

“It sounds like Thor has no backbone if he is cowed over and over again by Odin.”

Loki sat up straighter. Before he could say anything Tony grabbed his hand.

“Things are different there. I was thrown in the dungeon for almost five days because I called him out on his shit in private. He’s not someone you fuck with.”

“Jane, do you really want to be under the thumb of someone like that? He doesn’t sound progressive. He sounds like a tyrant who would treat you like chattel.”

Jane took a sip of her drink before responding.

“I don’t want to let someone like him keep me from being happy. I’m strong enough on my own to deal with his nonsense.” Jane’s answer seemed to ease most of Mrs. Foster’s worries.

“You want this then?” Mrs. Foster stared into her daughter’s eyes.

“Yes.”

*****

They stopped at a flower shop at Mrs. Foster’s insistence on the way to the courthouse.

She picked out a handful of mismatched flowers, combining them into a bouquet.

“Should we stop to pick you up a nice white dress?” Mrs. Foster asked, admiring her work.

Jane let out a snort.

“White doesn’t look good on me and it’s not like I’m a virgin.”

“What does virginity have to do with it?” Loki asked.

“White wedding dresses are supposed to represent purity, or something. I don’t know.” Tony waved his hand and Loki accepted the answer. “Are you nervous?”

Loki gave him an amused grin.

“I have risked my life on many occasions and have faced Odin’s wrath more times than I can count. This is hardly worth being nervous over.”

“I’m nervous,” Jane said. “I wish Thor knew about our plan.”

“He would have been too happy if he was aware, clueing Odin into our actions. He is a great warrior, but has never been good at hiding his emotions.”

“On the plus side, you’ll get to wear a tiara when we get to Asgard,” Tony said, trying to steer the conversation to a happier subject. “Those bastards won’t let me wear a tiara though because I’m male.” Tony shook his fist in the air while glaring upwards, as if he could see Asgard from inside the car.

“I shall gift you with a tiara. Then they will have no choice, but to let you wear it since it was a royal gift.”

“You just have all the answers, don’t you?” Tony said while grinning. Loki smiled, but didn’t respond.

*****

“We will have to make this quick. The moment I pull back my shielding Heimdall will see what we are doing. He’ll try to send guards to break us up before anything can be set in stone. He needs to see though so he can verify it if I call upon him,” Loki explained, confusing the court clerk who was standing with them.

“All I need is signatures from the couple and the witness,” the clerk said.

“When Loki gives you the cue can you read the document out loud before they sign it?” Tony asked.

The clerk shrugged before nodding.

“Are you ready?” Loki asked Jane. Her hand kept fluttering over the bouquet, moving the flowers randomly. She took in a breath before looking Loki in the eyes.

“Yes,” she said resolutely.

“That’s your cue,” Loki said to the clerk.

The clerk began reading the document loudly.

Tony didn’t really listen, focusing more on Loki’s expression. He looked so sure of himself in a way he wasn’t in Asgard. Earth was doing him some good. Tony didn’t want to go back, but Thor needed looking after and Tony wouldn’t put it past Odin to attack Earth just to get back at Tony. He had to keep everyone safe.

The I Dos were exchanged and the ink had dried just as six golden armored guards stormed the room.

“You must be here to escort me and my new wife home,” Loki said while grinning. His smile wavered when one of the guards grinned in return.

“No, we are here to escort the Prince’s consort to Asgard. By King Odin’s orders you are to stay here until your marriage has ended naturally.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Blood, Cutting

Tony was strong armed out of the courthouse as the guards tried to restrain Loki. Tony did his best to fight them off, but they all had more experience than him.

He shouted as the Bifrost sucked him up into the cosmos, once again being abducted by Odin.

This time he was pissed instead of scared.

He wanted to use his Jericho missile on Odin. Tony hadn’t felt this much rage since Obie’s betrayal.

He had a million plans in mind on how to kill Odin by the time Tony was thrown back into his empty cell.

It took almost all of his control not to punch the wall until his fingers broke.

He sat against the rear wall instead, copying the breathing pattern that Pepper used when she was angry at him.

It made him stop shaking, but didn’t lessen his fury. 

He had been so sure of his plan and now both Loki and Jane were trapped on Earth.

Odin was probably going to kill him and force Thor to marry one of his lackeys.

Essentially, everyone had gotten fucked over by Odin.

*****

It was two days before Tony saw anyone besides his guards’ and the ugly alien locked up across from him.

He was surprised that it was Queen Frigga.

She wasn’t wearing her usual grandeur, instead outfitted in a dress that looked comfortable.

She walked through the golden lattice wall as if it was only light. Maybe it was. Tony didn’t fucking know.

“Consort,” she said with an easy smile in place. Tony nodded in response, not trusting her at all. “You and Loki have caused King Odin many problems.”

Tony hummed, not letting it show how pleased that made him.

“My sons seem better off for having met you.”

“You make it sound like I’ll never see them again.” He tried reading her, she gave nothing away.

“I came here to bid you goodbye. King Odin believes it will best for Asgard if our marriage ends.”

“Wait, what?”

“I am to live with my brother in Vanaheim. I wish you the best of luck, Consort.”

“Why are you letting him send you away?! He’s making Thor and Loki miserable! Can’t you do something?! Anything?!”

Frigga ignored his slew of questions, going through the lattice before Tony could catch her.

He felt sick to his stomach as he watched her walk away.

*****

Tony scoured every inch of his cell. He wished he’d talked to Loki about magic when he had the chance. All the books he’d read hadn’t said jack-shit about barriers.

Frigga had left him with more questions than answers, Thor was probably grounded, and Loki was stuck on Earth.

There were no search parties out looking for him.

The only things Tony had at his disposal were his mind, the masking necklace Loki had given him, and his arc reactor.

He had meant to see a cardiologist when he finally made it home, but had forgotten in the wake of Thor’s tragic love story.

The way the book Loki had given him on the golden apple explained it, all muscles became denser and stronger.

Tony didn’t know if his heart muscles would be thick enough to keep the metal shards from damaging them if his reactor stopped working.

He was running out of options though.

Staying in Odin’s dungeon practically guaranteed that Tony was in for a bloody death.

Tony would also have to thank Jarvis if he— _when_ he made it back home. His trusty AI had done more than just scans on the Bifrost. Every time Loki used his magic Jarvis had gathered data, extrapolating ideas and theories.

Tony had only skimmed what Jarvis had pulled together. He’d been so certain he’d get to ask Loki directly when he wanted to know more about magic, but now he didn’t know if he’d ever get to see him again.

His thumb kept rubbing against the pendant of the necklace Loki had given him, reading its runes.

The All-Speak had granted him the ability to read runes, but it was through his studies that he could understand their deeper meaning.

He had read that magic was immense power directed by intent and knowledge.

Tony’s reactor was pure power. He had intent and he wasn’t afraid to experiment to gain knowledge.

*****

Experimenting was harder done than said.

To create runes, he needed something to write with.

The guards weren’t exactly lining up to do him favors.

He tried writing with his food, but it smeared too easily on the prison walls and floor.

He didn’t have enough clothes to write on with his food. They hadn’t exactly given him a wardrobe or a washing machine.

The fork and spoon they supplied him with each meal weren’t sharp enough to make a dent against the prison.

The realization on what he had to do came easily, but with a sickening feel.

People had cut off their limbs to save themselves before. What were a few scratches in comparison?

It wasn’t just scratches though. Scratches healed too quickly now that he’d had the golden apple. Tony had to cut deep into his flesh, holding in his pain so as not to alert the guards.

They never brought knives with his food, leaving him to work with a dull fork.

In the silence of his cell Tony became acutely aware of what flesh sounded like when being cut.

Tony forced himself to keep his hand steady even when the pain engulfed him.

If his hand slipped he risked tearing his skin, ruining the shape he was trying to make.

*****

Tony hummed to himself to keep his whimpers at bay.

He’d lost count of how many times he’d tried to carve out runes.

Cutting flesh precisely was an art he’d never thought he’d learn.

Now he had a perfect circle of runes on his right thigh.

From what he understood, they should heal him.

Conducting the power of his reactor to the runes was an entirely different problem. After a hell of a lot of concentrating he could pull a wisp of white energy from his reactor. It moved like slime, slipping through his fingers and drooping as he pulled it longer.

“Please work,” Tony whispered to himself as he grabbed onto the swirling energy of his reactor. If he held on too tight the link would break, too loose and it would slip out of his hold.

The distance from his chest to his leg never felt so far before.

When he reached his leg he had to run his finger through his sliced skin to push the reactor’s power into it.

It burned…

It hurt more than when his head was shoved repeatedly into freezing water, the knowledge of Obie betraying him, and watching Yinsen die all at once.

The white energy cut through his body, making it feel like his leg was being ground up between two boulders.

He tasted blood in his mouth as his vision became riddled with holes.

“Heal,” Tony chanted. If he didn’t keep his intention in mind the spell could have unintended consequences.

The last rune was lit with white energy. It was blinding against his gushing blood.

“Please, heal.”

The white energy disappeared, leaving only carnage behind.

“No—”

The air was sucked from his lungs.

*****

Tony woke to a dull buzzing behind his eyes.

His eyelashes were crusted together.

He went to wipe at them. His hand was bloodstained and pale. For a split second he thought it was Yinsen’s, about to help him up and tell him that he could be more than what he was.

He dropped his hand to the ground and forced himself to sit up.

His body ached as if every cell had burst at once. His stomach was gnawing at itself, screaming and hitting him, demanding to be fed.

Tony’s arms almost gave out, but he refused to fall back down.

He glanced around his cell. Nothing looked different.

His platter from breakfast was where he left it. He couldn’t have been unconscious for more than a few hours.

Tony didn’t want to look down at his leg, certain that it had either been blown off or was twisted at a sickening angle.

 He had to know.

In a distant part of his addled mind he heard Howard berating him for being weak.

“Shut up.” His voice cracked pathetically.

He forced his eyes downward and burst out laughing.

The spell had worked. He was healed, but in the place of the open wounds were raised white scars. The runes would forever be engraved in his skin.

*****

It had only been a few days and Tony could see a noticeable difference.

It wasn’t a good difference though.

From the unsteady reflection in his pitcher of water he could see that he was greying after every experiment. His hair was salt-and-pepper now. His hands shook constantly and he was losing muscle mass.

Tony had started eating all of the food given to him and still feeling hungry afterwards.

He had tried to cajole the guards into giving him more, but they laughed openly at him.

In a moment of weakness Tony considered giving up.

A slap to the face and reminding himself that he was Tony Fucking Stark put an end to that thought.

Tony was trying to ignore the problem with his plan.

He had figured out the basics of how the runes worked, but if he tried experimenting with the destructive ones on his own body the consequences could be lethal.             

The solution, oddly enough, was delivered to him on a platter.

Tony first realized something was off when he noticed that every piece of food was one of Thor’s favorites.

He hadn’t even known he had picked up on what Thor liked to eat, but the knowledge seemed to snap into place.

He shifted around the plates and spotted a letter stuck to the bottom of one.

Tony wouldn’t have noticed it if the food hadn’t clued him in.

He grinned. A piece of paper was just what he needed for his great escape.

His smile faded away as he read Thor’s handwriting.

_Husband,_

_King Odin has not taken kindly to your and Loki’s actions. I felt deeply loved when I learned that Loki was willing to give up his bachelorhood to bring Jane and I together._

_The news of you being kept in the dungeons was hidden from me. It was only through the tricks I learned from Loki that I found out the truth._

_King Odin has divorced my mother and sent her to Vanaheim. Worstmore, he has threatened to marry the Lady Sif in hopes of producing a new heir. She came to me crying. We had never spoken of it before, but we both knew King Odin had intended us to marry._

_Father wishes for me to publicly divorce you. In return he promised to bring mother back, rescind his banishment of Loki, and spare Lady Sif the indignity of being a replacement and broodmare._

_He plans to kill you regardless of my decision, but with my agreement to his terms he has promised to give you a swift death._

_I am sorry I ended up being such a weak and useless husband._

_Regretfully,_

_Thor Odinson_

*****

Nothing picked up Tony’s pace like imminent death hanging over his head.

Tony crafted two spells on the back of the letter he’d torn in half. One would hopefully break the magical wall while the other was an electric trap.

Both were risky. The first could backfire, painting his white cell red.

If the electricity trap was too weak it would be useless. Too strong and he’d get caught in the trap.

It had been another painful day when he had carved into his flesh runes to protect himself from electricity. He had a new smatting of white scars running down his left arm. If he had time Tony would have carved more from the base of his foot to his arm, making it so that he could redirect the electricity.

It would have been a beautiful stand in for his repulor blasts, but with limited time came a limited product.

The trap also relied on his attackers being close by. Arrows and throwing spears would mean death.

Tony looked over his runes written in blood.

In the back of his mind he was grateful that no one was with him this time, no one to lose their life for him.

Tony charged up his trap, only recently learning how to power a spell without immediately activating them.

He used a small amount of gravy from his dinner to stick his destructive spell to the magic infused wall of his prison.

He touched his arc reactor, knowing well enough that he could die at any moment. The energy it took to power his destructive spell might drain his arc reactor.

It was better to go down fighting though.

When he’d almost finished lacing his Get out of Jail Free spell, he moved as far back as he could, taking cover behind the flimsy cot that had come with the cell.

He closed his eyes and activated the spell.

A deafening ripping sound shook Tony to the bones.

For a tense moment there was no blowback, only silence.

There was a hot gust of air right before Tony was slammed backwards. His head bounced off the wall.

His ears were ringing.

Tony tried to stand, but couldn’t find his balance.

He blinked repeatedly.

The front of his cell was gone. There were two large craters, one on the ceiling, the other on the ground. The edge of his destruction was marked with rounded edges, as if a sphere of reality had been taken out by a giant melon baller.

There was a hole on the wall of the opposite cell. It was only two hand spans long, but the prisoner was pushing out of it like an octopus from a bottle. It was enough to focus Tony back on his own escape.

He could hear Yinsen shouting at him to move.

Tony did a quick check of his electric spell. It was still charged.

By the time he was moving the alien was gone. It would serve as a good distraction.

Guards were starting to converge on him, swords being unsheathed and battle axes held in tight fists.

He shifted nervously, adrenaline racing through his veins. Standing still, doing nothing went against his instincts.

They started to slow when they saw he wasn’t fleeing. None of them noticed the piece of paper in his hand.

His mind was constantly calculating the time it would take for them to be in striking range.

Many of the guards were smirking.

The Aesir were arrogant.

Tony enjoyed being underestimated. It always made his victory taste even sweeter.

“Human,” one of the guards said, chuckling under his breath, “is this how you mortals try to flee on Midgard?” Tony recognized him as the guard he’d threatened when he argued with Odin.

“Usually there’s a lot more blood, at least when I’m involved.” Tony smiled brightly, keeping his eyes on all of the guards. They shifted like a pack of dogs, reeling to attack, but not wanting to be the first to strike. “Are you all _that_ scared of me? Pathetic.”

His taunt worked.

They surged forward and with an empty prayer he set off the trap.

His eyes closed automatically as light engulfed them.

Harsh screams surrounded him.

It hit him like a flash-bang, disorienting him.

The runes on his arm became cold before numbing.

The light faded and he felt the hunger and fatigue that came with using runes that were carved into his body.

He had to keep moving.

All around him were bubbling corpses. He grabbed a small dagger off one of them and took off towards one of the nearest secret passages Loki had told him about.

Prisoners were banging against the walls, shouting at him to let them out.

He ignored them and peaked around a corner.

The alien that had escaped from the cell across from him was there. It was larger and its body was being pushed on from the inside. A guard’s helmet was beside it. Tony had a pretty good idea what had happened to the guard.

Tony found the statue he was looking for. He pushed it an inch forward and there was a clicking behind him. He pushed on the wall and it shifted to the side.

The passage was dark, but Tony easily found his destination.


	5. Chapter 5

The library seemed like an odd choice, but it was perfectly suited for Tony’s needs.

It was expansive and in time the Tony had spent in it while being a free man he had only seen two people other than Loki in the library. It had been a young, drunk couple, looking for an empty room.

He had also hidden a few snacks around which was a bonus.

Tony ate and drank all he could find, but was still shaking.

He didn’t want to see what kind of toll his electric trap had put on him.

When he had more spells ready he’d have to venture to the kitchens.

He already had a route mentally mapped out, but it had two spots where he was vulnerable.

The palace was on high alert though. He’d have to wait at least a day, though he wouldn’t put it past Odin to cover up his escape.

Tony grabbed an armful of books.

On the way back to the secret passage he spotted a pen he had carelessly left there months ago. He twitched before picking it up and leaving.

*****

Only a few of the secret passages had proper lighting. The ones that did Tony didn’t have safe access to.

His arc reactor was still working, but Tony didn’t know how much more energy he could pull from it before it was drained.

Tony didn’t know if it was still keeping him alive.

He didn’t have the supplies or the space to make another reactor.

He needed some sort of alternative energy source.

Tony had the feeling that he might be able to find one in Loki’s chambers, if he could even find them. He knew Loki had someplace in the palace, but the only clue he had to work on was that they had a good view of the gardens.

Unfortunately, Asgard had countless gardens.

*****

Instead of falling asleep Tony passed out.

It was probably for the better.

If he’d tried to fall asleep his worries would have followed him into unconsciousness.

Collapsing while halfway through writing a spell was preferable.

There was no way to tell time in the passages.

He only knew he had passed out in the dark tunnels because there was drool on the side of his face.

Tony gathered a few of the spells he’d finished and charged. His electricity trap would only work once so he was focused more on evasiveness and misdirection.

There was something satisfying about applying his mechanical knowledge to spellcraft.

He left his unfinished work in the alcove. He wasn’t worried about it. The alcove was twice hidden and from the looks of things Tony strongly suspected that Loki had slept in it on many occasions. Even one of his black cloaks was discarded on the stone bench.

Tony felt like he was lugging his Iron Man suit around. He needed to get proper food or risk not being able to act when the time was right.

He brushed his hand against the walls, afraid that he might trip and not get back up.

His forced nap had let his hunger grow into something unbearable.

Tony got to the first juncture and listened for guards. He wondered if they were on the same schedule as when he first mapped them out. Though that knowledge wouldn’t really help right now considering he had no idea what time it was.

When he heard nothing he opened the secret passage and stumbled backwards. The light was blinding. A headache split open his skull.

He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands before closing the hidden door. He couldn’t linger.

The golden halls were familiar, but felt insidious.

Asgard put on a good face, but Tony knew better.

He heard footsteps and ducked behind one of the oversized statues of Odin.

The footsteps weren’t stiff enough to be a guards or loud enough to be a noble’s. Probably a servant.

If he was lucky they wouldn’t be cleaning this area. He wasn’t certain that he could wait for them to finish.

The footsteps went by, unfortunately in the direction he was heading.

He pinched the ridge of his nose, wishing Rhodey was with him. His best friend had hauled him when they were both hungover, bundled him up, and fed him more times than Tony could count.

Rhodey had pulled him out of the sands of Afghanistan.

If he showed up now… but that was a fantasy. Tony couldn’t afford to daydream.

He took off again, letting out a sigh of relief when he was in the safety of the hidden passages.

When he reached the other exit he braced himself for the onslaught of light.

He wasn’t prepared for the scent of food.

Tony salivated and gulped it down.

By the look of the moon it was deep at night.

He had to be smart though.

The cooks didn’t prepare as much food for breakfast as they did for the other meals of the day and there was no such thing as leftovers in Asgard. They were all fed to the livestock or to poor citizens.

There was no one in the kitchens, but many large pots over the fires, haunches of meat on spits, and bowls of fruit.

Tony breathed it in before grabbing a bowl and skimming off the top of a pot of spiced oatmeal. He drank deeply, ignoring how his tongue was being burned.

He did the same with all the pots of food, even the gravy.

Tony pocketed some fruit in a sack he found in the rubbish bin.

He sopped up the dripping fat from cooking meat with a stale roll.

Tony came to a complete stop when he saw the sinks.

Asgard may not keep leftovers, but they also didn’t do the dishes immediately after cooking. The cooks were also sloppy with taking the food out of the pots and trays.

Tony scraped away at thick stew, munched on burnt cheese, and plucked up vegetables.

It still wasn’t enough though.

Tony searched through cabinets and pantries, pilfering jars and jugs of items that had large quantities. He made sure to grab them from the back, making it less likely that someone would notice that they were gone.

Tony paused when he heard more footsteps. They passed by the kitchen though.

By the time he was loaded up Tony two large sacks and a smaller one for softer foods.

Unfortunately, some of the items made a clinking noise whenever he moved.

Tony pulled out the pen he swore he’d hold on to till his dying breath. He would never carve another rune into his skin.

He wrote a spell of silence on the bags, before he realized he was activating it without testing. Nothing exploded or burst into flames though.

His trip back to the hidden alcove went smoothly.

*****

Loaded up with food and in the relative safety of darkness Tony was able to properly think.

Thor had given up on him, but that didn’t mean Tony was giving up on Thor.

He wished he knew more about Sif though. They’d only talked a few times, but he started zoning her out when he noticed the poorly veiled distrust in her eyes. It didn’t help that she hit the repeat button whenever she spoke.

Asgard this, warriors that, etc.

Thor was probably being closely guarded, but Tony would wager that his chambers would only have the standard two guards outside of it when he wasn’t there.

There was a chance that Odin would have had Tony’s room ransacked, but if his gadgets were still there they could be a great help.

Even if he could get into contact with Thor, convincing him to go against his old man would be difficult.

He’d seen Thor cowed by a single look from Odin.

Any conversation they had would have to be quick. Every second Tony was with him was another chance to be caught.

The little deal Thor made with Odin would be a problem.

The upside was that Tony knew Loki would never agree to the terms of the arrangement when he found out. Tony could use that as leverage.

He wasn’t used to working in the dark though.

His plan needed a little Stark Flare.

*****

It was stupid easy for Tony to craft fireworks out of a few items he nicked from around the palace.

He felt like a three-year-old again, hand-making wicks.

He could probably add a bit more pop to them with magic, but every spell he crafted siphoned off energy from his reactor.

The only magic he used was a spell that would light all the wicks at once.

Tony paid homage to Loki by adding in snakes that would grow from the embers. They were Loki’s favorite animal since they were one of the few things that scared the Aesir.

It took some tuning, but he got them to actually _slither_ out of the flames.

Getting into his old room and Thor’s chambers was suspiciously easy.

He didn’t leave a note. Thor could act a bit, but couldn’t carry it on for more than a few minutes.

Tony retrieved his items, including a handful of mechanical birds he’d been tinkering with shortly before his trip back home.

They would be the perfect delivery system.

*****

Tony’s whole exit plan relied on Thor and speed.

Tony had a plethora of traps and distractions in place. He hadn’t been able to find Loki’s room, leaving him at a disadvantage.

Tony had learned a lot from the books he’d stolen from the library, but he was worried it wasn’t enough.

He wished there was more he could do, more spells he could craft, but didn’t want to risk his arc reactor more than absolutely necessary. He had escaped his cell to avoid death. It would be a shame to die in a secret passage.

Tony hated how much Thor’s routine factored into his plan. The only time he’d be able to catch Thor on his own was on his way to the feasting hall for dinner.

Tony looked at the water clock he’d made. He had just enough time to eat. Hopefully it wouldn’t be his last meal.

*

Everything was set in place. All his traps were going to go off at the same time. He made his way to the hall that Thor would pass through, hiding behind one of the gaudy statues that were around every corner.

Thor’s rumbling voice reached his ears, but he wasn’t alone. Tony cursed silently. Soon after, he recognized Sif’s voice. Tony perked up, adapting his plan to accommodate her. This might work to his advantage.

Thankfully, there was no one else with them.

He continued his mental countdown.

His heart started racing and adrenaline coursed through his veins. It wasn’t as intense as when he was escaping the Ten Rings.

This time he didn’t have to worry about someone defenseless dying because he couldn’t protect them.

Tony took a deep before revealing himself.

“Thor, we need to move now and Sif is coming with us. I have a plan.” He grabbed Thor by his upper arm. Thor didn’t budge. “You have to trust me.”

“They said you were dead.” Thor’s voice was hollow.

“Well I’m not. Now haul ass. I’ve got a plan to get you back to Jane and keep Sif safe from Odin’s dick.”

“I do not understand.” Thor looked completely bewildered and Tony had to wonder if they’d been giving him some sort of drug.

“We’re going to go to Earth and we’ll blow the Bifrost behind us. By the time they have it repaired I’ll have a who legion on Iron Man suits to keep Odin from attacking us again.”

“No,” Sif said firmly while pulling out her sword. “I won’t allow you to harm Asgard.”

Thor looked between them.

“Sif, if you want to stay here and become Odin’s bride, I don’t give a fuck. Either way, I’m taking Thor and we’re leaving.” Thor shifted slightly to follow Tony.

“I won’t allow it. Odin’s word is law. He said you were dead. It is only right that I follow his will. For Asgard!” She charged at him and Tony only had barely enough time to throw a wadded up spell at her. She batted it aside with her sword and the sword was engulfed in flames.

Sif arced her flaming sword, aiming for Tony’s chest. He didn’t have enough time to sidestep.

There was a loud clang as Mjolnir met the sword, halting Sif’s attack.

“Stand aside, my prince. I will not allow you to hinder my duty as a warrior of Asgard.” Sif took a half-step back as Thor pushed forward.

“Cease this at once, Lady Sif. Tony’s plan has merit. This way you will not be forced into marriage,” Thor pleaded.

“You may be willing to abandoned your duties, but I am not. I will wed whoever the All-Father decides and you should do the same.”

Tony’s mental count grew closer to zero.

Two guards appeared in the direction Tony was hoping for them to use as their escape.

“We have to go now!” Tony grabbed another spell. “Thor! Jump backwards!”

Thor followed his directions immediately. Tony activated the spell and gunk shot forward, hitting Sif and putting out the fire on her sword.

She cursed, trying to remove the filth from her eyes with little success.

Tony grabbed Thor by his hand and began pulling him forward. The guards were only a few steps behind them.

Thor picked up Tony and they were flying just as all of Tony’s traps and distractions went off, filling the palace with noise and fire.

There were more guards than Tony had expected. Many of them were carrying pikes. They figured out it was smart not to get to close to Tony after his last close encounter with them.

The guards kept blocking their way, pointing their pikes either up, to keep Thor and Tony from flying over them, or pointed at them to keep Thor from plowing through them.

There was screaming in the distance.

They busted through the doors of the feasting hall.

“Thor!” Odin called out. There was a dagger to his throat.

Tony and Thor came to a halt.

“Father!”

With a swift movement blood gushed from Odin’s throat.

Odin made a gurgling noise as he fell to his knees, revealing a guard behind him, dagger in hand. He shimmered green before shifting into Loki.

“Odin is dead! Thor is king!” Loki threw aside his dagger as guard came running towards him. “My fate is King Thor’s to decide!”

“Stop,” Thor said weakly, but it was enough to make the guards pause.

Thor walked over to Odin’s still form. Thor kneeled and pulled Odin to his chest, staring at his lifeless face.

“Loki.” The name slipped out from Tony’s lips. Their eyes met.

“You’re alive.” Loki’s voice was fragile. He tried to move forward, but guards blocked his way. “You’re alive!” Loki’s eyes glistened with tears as he reached out for Tony.

Loki disappeared and was in Tony’s arms not a second later.

He buried his face against Tony’s neck. Tony held him tighter when he felt Loki trembling.

“I missed you,” Tony whispered, his voice nearly breaking. He’d done his best to keep his emotions for Loki at bay, to keep himself from being executed and from going insane.

But now… now he could hold nothing back.

He kissed Loki over and over again, knowing he could never get enough of him.

“Guards, take those two to the dungeons. They are not to be harmed,” Thor said, not looking away from Odin.

A guard tried to pull them apart, but a dagger appeared in Loki hand. Loki brandished it expertly.

“I will happily kill anyone who touches us.” He looked the guards in their eyes, daring them to act against him. “As _King_ Thor ordered, we will go to the dungeons.”

Loki put an arm around Tony’s shoulders and guided him out of the feasting hall. Loki’s fingers dug into Tony’s shoulder, but he didn’t mind.

He was still reeling from what had just happened.

“How did you get back?” Tony asked. He doubted anyone would go against Odin and use the Bifrost to get Loki into Asgard.

“There are passages between the realms that only few know of.” Loki was looking Tony over.

“We’ll talk about it in the cell.” He didn’t want to give away his secrets with so many guards around.

Loki nodded.

The cell they were taken to was far more lavish than the one Tony had spent too much time in.

“I get the feeling this isn’t the first time you’ve been in here,” Tony said with no inflection. Loki grinned mischievously.

Tony sat down heavily on the bed as Loki went to wash blood from his hands.

Today had turned out far different than he expected.

Loki walked over to him and tilted Tony’s chin up.

“What torture did they put you through?” His eyes flitted over Tony’s white hair and exhausted features.

Tony laughed hollowly.

“No torture, just my ironclad will to survive.” Tony pulled off his shirt, feeling his muscles ache.

Loki gasped as he saw the runes Tony had carved into his body.

His fingers fluttered over the marks, almost afraid to touch them.

“You’re insane,” Loki whispered.

“Insanely good looking,” Tony tried to joke.

“That too.” Loki smiled gently and ran his hand through Tony’s hair. “Though you could use a shave.”

Tony chuckled and rubbed his hand on his face. The stubble was uneven.

“How’s Jane?”

“Divorced and waiting to see if Thor will come back for her.” Loki sat beside him and Tony automatically leaned against him. “Had I known you were still alive I would have come sooner. As it was, I was waiting for the perfect moment to kill that old bastard.”

“Your mom is in Vanaheim. Odin divorced her.”

“So I heard. It was just another reason for me to kill Odin. She has always been his supporter and the perfect queen.” Loki’s hands balled into fists. Tony placed his hand over the closes one, feeling Loki unball it.

“What do you think will happen to us?” Tony had another one of his exploding spells in his pocket, but doubted that trick would work twice, especially now that they were in a cell meant to hold Loki.

“I was prepared to die, but now that I know you’re alive…”

Tony chuckled feebly.

“Well if you’d just waited one more day Thor and I would be on Earth and the Bifrost would have been destroyed.” Tony tried to keep his voice teasing, but Loki sighed.

“You should rest while I try to heal this frailty you brought upon yourself.”

Tony snorted while toeing off his shoes.

“I really would have been dead if I hadn’t used my own flesh to write runes.” He laid down and his eyes closed against his will.

Loki brushed a hand over Tony’s cheek as he drifted off.

*

Tony woke up with his limbs feeling like jello. He shifted slightly and noticed he was firmly against Loki’s chest. Loki’s hand was on Tony’s arc reactor, glowing green.

“You’ve been asleep for over twelve hours,” Loki whispered to him, his breath warm against Tony’s head.

“I’m used to just passing out when I finished charging a few spells,” Tony admitted. Loki held him tighter.

“Your heart machine is weak. I am recharging it.”

“Don’t put too much energy in it. We might still need to escape.” It felt so good just being curled up with Loki.

“Many centuries ago the Warriors Three said I was going to be executed. I put many spells on the tree where they would hang us as blood eagles.”

“Blood eagles?”

“You do not wish to know.”

Tony shuddered.

“That bad, huh?”

“I won’t allow it to befall you.”

Tony turned around so that they were facing each other. He kissed Loki on the nose.

“Just make sure it doesn’t ‘befall you’ either.”

Loki blushed and Tony grinned.

*

It was two very loving, but tense days until they were summoned to the throne room.

Before they entered they were ambushed by Jane. She hugged Loki and then Tony.

“Good to see you too.” Tony patted her on the back.

“I thought you both were dead!” She pulled away from Tony then slapped Loki. “And that’s for leaving a stupid note instead of saying goodbye.”

Loki cupped his cheek, causing his shackles to clink. 

“Apologies. I didn’t want you to talk me out of my plan.” Despite his words, Loki was grinning.

“Thor is a mess, but he brought Queen Frigga back and had me come here too.” Jane let out a slow breath. “He annulled your marriage, Tony, on the basis of it never being consummated.”

“Good. Hate to think that I was cheating on him,” Tony said in a monotone. He took Loki’s hand, their shackles knocking against each other’s.

Jane looked worried.

“He didn’t tell me his decision on what he’s going to do with you two. He’s been holed up with Queen Frigga all morning.”

“She might plead mercy for me, but she never liked you, Tony.” Loki’s jaw clenched.

“Yeah, I wasn’t her biggest fan either.” Tony rolled his eyes. “I was only a sass master and broke out of jail. My punishment can’t be that bad.”

“Even though you were wrongly imprisoned the punishment is still death. I will not allow you to die.” It was the hundredth time Loki had said it. Tony wanted to believe him, but he never had much faith in promises.

“Enough,” a guard said. “The king is waiting.”

Loki and Tony exchanged a glance. This was it.

Hisses and insults were thrown their way as they entered the throne room. They were easy to ignore though.

Sif was glaring at them with fire in her eyes.

Thor was sitting on the throne and looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep since Odin died.

Frigga’s expression was unreadable as she stood beside Thor.

“Tony Stark, you had no part in Odin’s assassination, but you did leave Asgard’s dungeons without leave and attacked the noble warriors of Asgard.” Thor’s expression looked grave and Tony’s heart sank. “This was done to save yourself from an unjust death. You were also, not once, but twice abducted from Midgard.” Frigga put her hand on Thor’s shoulder, but he shook it off. "No one was permanently harmed by your spellcraft. Asgard has wronged you.” Thor looked ashamed even though it wasn’t his fault. “You will be sent back to Midgard with a wergild of five rare books and a cartfull of device for you to examine.”

Thor slammed down the spear that Odin used to carry all around. The shackles fell off Tony.

The guards tried to make him leave, but he held onto Loki.

“Prince Loki,” Thor began, “you stand accused of killing the All-Father and entering Asgard while banished.” Thor looked at the golden steps that led to his throne. “These facts cannot be disputed. Your banishment had no justification and will be disregarded.” Thor took in a deep breath and Loki shifted. “For your crime of killing the All-Father, your magic will be bound and you’ll be banished from Asgard.”

Loki’s shoulders sagged and Tony couldn’t tell if it was from relief or defeat.

Thor slammed down the spear. Loki’s chains fell off. Loki collapsed to the floor and started screaming.

Tony dropped to his knees.

“Loki! What can I do?!” Tony’s hands ghosted over Loki’s writhing form.

Loki abruptly stopped and gasped for air.

The illusion of a healthy visage melted into one of exhaustion.

Tony helped Loki sit up.

“You have one hour to gather your things and go,” Thor announced.

The onlookers started yelling at how Thor had been too lenient.

“Enough! I am the king and my word is law!” Thor parroted Sif’s earlier sentiment. The shouts turned into grumbles.

Loki stood with Tony’s help. His body was racked with shivers.

“This way.” Loki gestured with his chin, his voice was hoarse.

He leaned heavily on Tony as they walked.

Jane joined them in the hall.

“That turned out better than I expected,” Jane chirped, moving to Loki’s other side to help him walk.

Loki’s chambers turned out to be in the _one_ corner of the palace Tony hadn’t checked.

They set Loki down on his bed.

“How do you feel?” Tony asked, brushing back Loki’s hair.

“Weak, but relieved.” Loki grabbed one of his pillows. It looked far older than the other ones. “We have no time to dawdle though.”

Loki pointed them towards a bag that defied the laws of physics. No matter how many things they put in it, the bag neither grew larger nor heavier.

Tony and Jane scurried around the room, often opening hidden caches, gathering items.

A grin slowly grew on Loki’s face.

Tony raised an eyebrow in question and sat by Loki.

“Thor bound my magic, but said nothing about us trying to unlock it.”

“How do you plan on doing that?”

“I have the knowledge and you have the power.” Loki tapped Tony’s arc reactor.

Tony smiled, loving the way Loki’s mind worked.

He gave Loki an absolutely filthy kiss.

Soon after they were escorted to the Bifrost to start their new life together.


End file.
